To thine own Self, be true - William Shakespeare

Integrity is the state of being whole, it is the first step to reaching a state where your body, mind, heart and soul are all in harmony with each other. In order to be in a state of integrity, you have to know what code of ethical behavior to hold to be correct. This does not necessarily mean following a moral code someone taught you, although it might. It means knowing what you believe and walking your talk.

What do you consider important in life? What makes you feel whole and complete? What makes you feel muddy or impure? What makes your spirits soar? What makes you feel proud of yourself?

Every person has his or her own set of rules that he or she believes in, holds true and valuable. It has been said that one man's virtue is another man's sin, so it is important for each of us to examine and actually follow the rules we have been creating all along.

When a person breaks one of their own rules they are weakened and no longer in the State of Integrity. They feel less worthy, less deserving of good fortune and less confident in even the smallest matters. It shakes their self-esteem and makes them uncomfortable with who they are.

When one is weakened in this way, one is easily influenced by the ideas and opinions of others, because one does not know what one believes. One can "sell one's soul" by seeking acceptance by others and agreeing with ideas and doing acts or condoning behavior which violates one's own code of ethics. This is another cause for mood-swings. One is not standing on a firm ethical foundation.

During our teenage years most of us struggle with the concept of "belonging." We wish to have friends, be part of a group, be popular, be accepted. Often it is during this stage of our lives that we being to lose our integrity. In our desire for acceptance we sometimes seem to lose ourselves, trying to become like the rest in our crowd. When a person does this, he starts creating a synthetic identity, one which fits the ideas of the group. After awhile, he forgets he is doing this and the synthetic identity runs on automatic. By now, he thinks it is him.

If the group is into rock and roll, he is into rock and roll, if the group is into body piercing or drugs, he is into body piercing or drugs. The dreams and hopes he had as a child along with his high ideals have become submerged, hidden behind his synthetic personality. The dreams are still there though, and every time he does something which violate his ideas and dreams he suffers a further shattering of his inner self.

By the time he is old enough for marriage this synthetic personality has become second nature and he marries someone who is wearing a synthetic personality of her own. They have not actually met. Only their facades have connected. Inevitably, they both feel misunderstood. Hungry for love and acceptance, they make more and more demands upon each other. It isn't satisfying because the love and acceptance is not reaching the inner being and so they keep on trying to scratch that itch.

The unseen factor in all this is that the true identity of the individuals is submerged. When they created the synthetic identities they had basically believed, "Who I am is not good enough to be liked by others." This initiated a life of pretending to be somebody else, a different character with the same name.

The desire for acceptance and admiration is a very strong motivating factor here, but along with the desire came the self-destructive idea that one must be a certain way in order to get the acceptance. Teenagers, all wresting with the problem of how to be, can be very cruel to any group member who is different or unusual, like chickens pecking the one of a different hue, they ridicule and attack the odd one out. This strengthens the idea that individual personality traits and different beliefs must be concealed. Further, it reinforces the notion that one must present a good, although false, face to the world.

When an individual is in this state of being, it is very possible that the highs and lows correspond to being more or less his true self. So when he is being and acting more like his inner self, he is happier, and when he is wearing his false face he is miserable. You can even hear people saying "I don't feel like myself today."

An examination of your ideas and beliefs when you were growing up can be quite revealing. you start to find yourself again. Sorting out these beliefs from the ones you adopted through eternal influences and adverse experience can be even more revelatory.

Enid Vien

Mosquito za Kwetu...

So, I had one of those nights. Insomnia the end, and when I say insomnia its not your ordinary walk in the park insomnia, my kind of insomnia is for real. Some say it is drug induced but I tend to differ. When it comes I know for sure  I am going to have one hell of a night,  I can't sleep,  I can't read,  I  can't work,  I  can't think,  I can't watch something,  I  can't open my eyes, I  can't close my eyes basically the only thing I can do is rest. Just like I would after jogging walking etc. You get the picture.

Ordinarily I blacking out so  I've never noticed the mosquitoes from my side of town. Ok, I usually see them but they have never come between me and my sleep.

I recently got a fill of these monsters.

Waaaaah, Mosquito za kwetu, first sijui zimesoma au nini, they send a scout to get you from the couch and convince you to go to bed. So you stagger to bed. Kumbe, they know how to pretend haziko. So you check into bed. Niko hapo narest tu mdogo, no sleep at all. Kidogo, naskia ni kama naitwa. 'kaaaasiiiiiim'. Eish?

These creature have a way of synchronizing their noises until it sound like you are being called. I have always wondered what mosquitoes do during the day kuuumbe ziko busy zinacram majina za wasee. I remember when we were kidoz my mother told us never answer if someone calls out your name at night it could be the devil. So i just shtuka but I dont answer lest its the devil. But just by jacking, the damn things mark your last know position.

Then they pull a Pearl Harbour on you. What!!!!! Mosquito ka 50 start hanyeing around your ears. I dont mind mosquitoes I am hardcore I cant get malaria even it was served on a plate. I hate the SOUND OF MOSQUITOES! They even know how to make a noise its like they are dying so that you peep ama a noise such that you think one is trapped under the beddings so that you uncover yourself. Ukijifunua tu ivi, batallion now they are under the sheets and over the sheets. Shit!

I decided to be the human being in this situation. Mortein doom, plugin, weka ON and watch the bastards die one by one.

 Hahaaaa, whose the dead muthafucker now!

I have always thought that the reason I hardly ever notice the mosquitoes is coz of the doom. Shock on my ass, this creatures were pulling ninja warrior moves on the doom. It's like they are daring each other, because they we flying right through the fumes like it was off. I ended up inhaling this fumes paka nikawa high thinking if put my head right next to the doom thingy, they won't have shit on me.

Finally decide to wake up and begin my day. Thinking it has to be over, it morning, its time for mosquitoes to call it a day and I call it a night, I receive another shocker. This monster have perfected a bite on the go tactic, they don't chill as they bite you, as you chomoa your PJs to hit the shower zinakuuma zikiwa zimesonga. The only problem is that they have kunywa so much blood hazies mekit kufly to the ceiling ama wherever it is they fly to so the hide under the bed. Ujinga NI.

I have to go back to the drawing damn board about this. Its no longer about malaria, these things are just playing around.... I am open for any ideas if you have seen worse and dealt with the situation... Help a brother out. Mosquito za kwenu zinabehave aje?