The light at the end of the tunnel....

I am now convinced that its possible to have 8 days in a week. i am more convinced that this life right here has to have major oscillations for it to kick ass...

i am saying it, if your life is the same old same day in day out you are old and you have accepted that fact. worst still if the weekends are the same you are in trouble for every day you live you take a day off your life... #imjustsaying

Quiting & lessons learned from the same

so i quit... there comes a time in a mans life when you hit rock bottom, not coz you are broke or you are simply sick and tired but solely because you are at rock bottom literally...

you wake up from a 'stuper' or whatever other situation, all messed up and amnesic and screwed up generally.. all you want to do is get home and sleep start a fresh... at that point you vow to quit and come up with 'elaborate plans' on how you are going to change your lifestyle, friends diet wake up time blab blab

hahahahah, shock on you, you rather curse and rant it all out at that moment when you find yourself languishing next to the devil than waste energy expecting 'miraculous' change.

id suggest you pick up you pieces and forge forward knowing that you are at 0, thez only one way upppppp! than, lie to yourself that everything will be different in the morning.. wake up and smell the bhangi, it won't.

big brother,

whatever it is you want to see changing can actually be changed but it is a gradual process.....you've seen big brother allstars, i was just the other having a conversation with someone about bBA5... and it dawned on me that this is a sample to life.. somehow somewhat, let me explain how...

everyone has a picture of what they what to be seen as in this life... everyone wants to win except the losers... so to achieve success from your personal brand you need a strategy... in all the other BB's, the housemates are placed in the house from their ordinary day today activities and have no prior knowledge of what going on... the twist in BBA5 is that all the housemates have been there and have done that... i don't know how any have bought property... if i was given a second chance to do anything in this life, rest assured my good people i wouldn't loose... this is where strategy comes in.. forget kubahatisha this time around this one need training, coaching, preparation, formula, analysis and the works, how many people did there homework, how many are shrewd.. lets wait and see...

this doesn't stop us from having a strategy the first time around.... to get to what you imagine, the gradual process of change needs strategy, need coaching needs help... no one can claim to be the master of this life... if there's one out there who has a book "HOW TO LIVE LIFE FOR DUMMIES, The ultimate guide on to live from 0 -70 years" i will buy and take it up at whatever age i am... nikifika 70, i will coast...as far as i am concerned hakuna na hatawai kuwa. So we can plan, try, consult, we can experiment and we can have fun while at it... i'm knocking myself out, with no fear of making mistakes... IKO NENE!

Change we can believe in,

the end is surely drawing close... it was just the other day juvenile as could be then, a young gun walked into.... anyhow that's a tale for another day, the point is reflecting on the beginning we have come quite far in this.... the other day i picked up my gown, yes i am graduating it doesn't matter with what but i am graduating in the time that was specified to me to study and graduate. i am proud of myself if you dont believe me come to my feast... ok you don't have not to believe me to come Y'ALL ARE INVITED. the problem i am having is believing that it is all over i have to be different i have to do things different, i have to make new habits, i have to have new trends i have to make new friends... it is a hard lump to swallow but it must be done. change will come change we can believe in.

speaking of end and changes and the works we have a challenge in our hands....

the constitution... i,m sure you know your stand. the thing you don,t know is why you stand there....

how many have read the document end to end? raise your hands... 1, 2, 3... yeah i thot so, lakini tukiwa bar we are like Nzamba Ketonga... tunajua yote..

seriously mimi niko desperate i have to admit i somad page 1 - 5, but then again i am not the bestest of readers but, but, but, in my defense i always read the part that explains the constitution in the daily nation, lakini there are meant to be people who can teach you this things, where the hell are these so called CIVIC EDUCATORS, by the way if you know any of this mwongoz my number is 0725151373, i need to talk to one of them, get afew things clear (Hawa wadhii btw i think wanadish pesa za bure... si they are getting paid?)....If you get one tell him/her i will buy lunch, kujeni pamoja. i am saying this coz we have a document at our hands a document that will affect the so called watoi wa watoi wetu and about 12 million peeps will get the opportunity to decide on this.. I am a well of Kenyan with availability to all the facilities & resources including laziness, what about the rest out there, the other 50% or so who have to get the constitution document, learn how to read, read it get and interpreter interprete think decide and vote in 2 weeks (13 days to be precise)... iz problem.. remember we are all going to vote for this document, A CONSTITUTION si president election ama MP ama ordinary ish, CONSTITUTION of NATION.. Y'all can see how pupa za kina Kenyatta za kuget independence zinaleta mezesha kwa hii constituion tuko nayo saa hii... tuchangamke!

we could be the ones who vote it in, wadhii wa YES mpooo... nawaskia! mnasema yes to something you dont know, sawa basi wadhi wa NO mpoo?... ntawaskia tu with time steadman alisema mko chini... lakini pia nyinyi mnavote NO mmesoma ama mnavote no juu mmeskia abortion? sawa wale wadhii hawa vote nyinyi mko tu chini ka minerals.. i dont need to explain why...

watu wangu wa nguvu... pick up the constitution document, (kam hauna copy number yangu iko hapo, ntakusort) You have two weekends in between skip church or watever it is you do on Sundays... soma hiyo stuff, end to end whatever your decision is let it be from a knowledge point of view... Children read harry porter in a week, 1900 pages, this is 47 pages pekee na si lazima usome in order...i will do it, finish whatever it is i haven't read even though i am the worst reader after kibaki, i will make it my priority because a wise man once said knowledge is knowing a tomato is fruit, wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad....

like i said the end is near, change is coming whether we believe it or not... all we gala do is be prepared and gradually adapt to it.


have a beautiful week, God bless

Becky, an octopus and a JOB

we all try... some try harder than others some get results from their efforts and some have to be content with their results.

this has been one of those weeks worth documenting so i am obliged.

now, human beings are variable.... some are ritualistic, some are sequencial some are random so are just door mats... i personally categories people in three distinct categories.

1. Adu a guthutha (go Gettas)

this are my kind of peeps... look, aim, fire. these are the kind of people who keep a diary. so this week i decided to place my self in this category. everything was in order my diary was set and i had endless opportunity. let me start from the beginning.

i recently landed myself a job... no big deal peeps get jobs all the time but the greatest part of all this is that i got a job from my CV, (no canvassing involved). you don't know how good a feeling that is. as in someone looked at my well typed and formatted CV and recognized talent. after surprisingly acing the interview even Paul my main octopus hadnt the slightest chance of predicting the future of this you gun.

Reporting day was monday 5th July. being a go getta, i immediately and instinctively adjusted my life and style to the situation. monday 0802 hr found me at the reception to the head office of my employer. say it impressive, for a guy whod just been awakened from a stupper a few hours ago this is impressive.

i had just been punctual to a oppressive affair.. first there was an issue with my insurance as a result of dysfunctional (for lack of a less insultive word) systems ala my employer. i had to run around after my insurance agent in search of a accertation document of my insurance. (this part made absolutly no sence to me and to any human being worth being called human in this age and era). im a go getta, you dont shake my spirits easily... i got all they wanted.

so tuesday im at the office as strapped as silvester stallone going bungie jumping. i was cordially adviced to come to work the next day my contract will be ready... mark you this is after day 2 of waking up at 5am (nktesticles) and embracing some ungodly temperatures and a 4km walk in pursuit of happiness.

so wednesday i step into the office at 0759 hrs looking like the man of the year, ask the receptionist to fix a fellow employee with a cup of tea which she did (God bless you Maggie) and i wait for my first assignment. all of sudden after an hour of employment, i realise that peeps have stopped coming to the office. HR personnel keep popping into the office and leaving without saying a word. so i call my boss and ask her "Ms Becky, marry me".... im playing, i asked becky wolap what can i do for this beautiful christian institution (i lied, yes i said it, i lied that iv been in a relationship with Jesus for 17 years). Come to think of it this, could have been the reason for my downfall.

so becky call me aside and asks me, "did Hr hala at you". no the didnt y? they just called me for the interview.... so apparently i am meant to wait till HR calls me and confirm my contract... i thot this really sucked ass, maybe its just me but i dont think this is how human beings operate.
so i ask becky to go to HR and get my contract and i remove my pen and start perfecting my signature. then now becky anzad ducking, ducking me,

WTH, i pulled one of those jack bauers.. i had to corner her which i did, "becky, becky necky necky wat the hell is going on?" apparently, ok to me it looked like i was putting becky in a fix with HR (i think she liked me, coz she almost broke down into tears)... anyhu thats besides the point. Becky told me to wait for HR to call me and she walked away....

you have heard of Nyikka Moments... that was one of the... kidogo ni transform ito optimus prime warrrrr.... i walked away and went to the bar....

2. Adu a gukunda gikombe (drinkers)
from a go getta to a drinker.... Fcuk employment, Fcuk my former employer(no names mentioned) fcuk all those peeps who think they can jog on my emotions and get away with it....

So i am back on the hustle... basically my hustle involves whisky, football and money... dont ask how but i know how to synergize the three... as we speak, i riding on one of these elements..,. you guessed right, whisky!

now i discovered theze a certain Paul cock blocking my football ambitions... he predicted against England they lost, i joint the SS specifically the Luftwaffe and he predicted our downfall. it came try, i dont know what to make of paul so i will not make anything as for now....

3. Adu a kutherokia Mae(peeps who wa r seats for you)

Now this is the category that keeps me going though the laughter the inflict on me.....

basically as crude as it can get this are the peeps who tell a woman everything and you end up going home if a dictionary of woman... words ako nazo zote... in simpler terms thes peeps boil the water for you to shower.....

classic example, i met a nyikka in a Hoppa.... calm fella he was...

all of a sudden he picks up his phone and starts throwing tuntrums to another nyikka on the other end... kawaida nika eavesdrop nad i realised this nyikka here is being conned silly

HOW TO CON A GUY FOR DUMMIES

1. Take your YU line.
2. load it with 1000 bob airtime
3. send the following SMS to 1000 random YU numbers

"You have won 50000 in the YU ponyoka na maisha promotion. Dial 07-5MY-NU-MBA to get information on how to collect you voucher"

4.someone is bound to call..
5. ask whoever calls to deposit 3000 in his M-PESA account
6. he will call back to confirm deposit.
7.Ask the person to deposit another 3000 to his account...
8. he will call back to confirm deposit
9.Send the following SMS to the Nyikka..

"U87QA718 Imethibitishwa Umepokea ksh50000 kutoka kwa 07-5MY-NU-MBA. Mnamo bla bla bla Baki yako ni 56076"

10. he will call to find out how it goes to MPESA
11. tell the nyikka to deposit 6000 in the YU number an switch off his phone and switch it on again
12. you will be 6000 richer

trust me, this guy was boiling water for 30 minaz and after that so nyikka else where was showering in 6 geeezzzz... Thats wasuuup

this has been a hilarious week for me... iv won some iv lost some but im still the same old same...

hope yall have a better next week!